


My Heart Still Beats Without You

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sadness, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14539329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: All that ever mattered to Negan was Carl Grimes. Now he must live without him.





	My Heart Still Beats Without You

Negan dreamed of him, not a good fucking but holding hands through an apple orchard. Carl was laughing his pale skin glowing in the rising sun of the morning. Wearing that damn blue flannel shirt, they were happy. There was no walkers or war, no one but the two of them there and Negan said a stupid curse laden comment and Carl turned to him laughing, his smile big and free. Somehow he still only had one eye but to Negan it was him, part of why he was so damn beautiful. It wasn’t him who leaned in but Carl, his long delicate fingers grabbing his cheek and kissing him. “I love you Negan.”

Negan woke up disoriented, when Carl said he loved him he knew it was true but a long drag of wrongness told him something was off and he closed his eyes knowing what it was now. Carl was dead. He had kissed him, told him he loved him, they had their moments even a nice sunny day outside but it was inside the gates of The Sanctuary where walkers moaned and snapped. Still a perfect date but Rick was still a prick and Carl went home to daddy. His smile and pale skin beaming in the sun waving bye to him was his last sight of his love.

There were no goodbyes, no burial where he was allowed to scream at a grave. Carl was just gone and Rick lived. Negan breathed bitter air wishing he could sacrifice anyone even himself to have Carl here. Carl left a damn note that he couldn’t listen to. Rick did this, he was the reason Carl was gone, too busy with vengeance to watch his own son. Today Negan would end it with Eugene’s help.  
—————————————————  
Seeing Rick at that tree a stained glass window somehow hanging unbroken in a tarnished world he knew what had to be done. But could he really kill Carl’s Dad? The same blood flowed through Rick alive and thriving. He wanted to snap Rick’s legs or beat his brains out his damn head but not because of this war but because of Carl.

“We can have a future.”

“I know I will.” Negan snapped back.

“Just give me ten seconds to tell you how, just give me ten seconds for Carl.”  
Rick begged.

Negan counted down but listened, they could coexist. The letter Michonne gave him with Carl’s wish could be honored and this world was shit so it was all he had left to give from Carl.

“Look at what you did,” Negan clenched his throat. “Carl didn’t know a damn thing.”  
He neck pooled out crimson blood.

It was peaceful holding his neck. He would see Carl again, he could actually see him now beyond Rick. He had two piercing blue eyes and looked happy as he walked to him holding out his hand. Negan was ready to take it and be free.

Negan groaned awake and attempted to be his usual witty self when Michonne pushed hard on his neck.

A big dramatic speech was said by two cohesive souls that’s love stabbed his heart. They talked about him being an example but he couldn’t care less. His life was already hell and they couldn’t give him more anguish. Carl was dead and he was here, his heart dead despite it still beating in his chest. 

They didn’t know the jail cell they gave Negan would be the thing to drive him mad. Carl a vision he could never touch on the other side of the bars, his heart steadily beating no matter the wish that it would stop so he could go home to the only one that mattered.


End file.
